You have probably heard of the “Five Love Languages” because Gary Chapman wrote a book really to help women accept how men express love in nonverbal and verbal ways. It’s actually a great read with ideas that have helped people understand partners better and feel better loved along the way. My Friend Violet wants you to know about the Body Love Language, or ways to communicate within your relationship about how things feel physically before, during, and after intimacy.
You will find many articles here on Body Love Language. This is merely the intro to the why and what of it. The how of speaking or sharing Body Love Language will be found in the next article on it. That said, you may glean enough insight from the why and what to generate your own how before My Friend Violet writes about Body Love Language next!
Why is it important to find a way to talk about your body and sex with your partner? Well, because as much as we’d like to think all that is required for great sex is chemistry, the truth is that knowing each other’s bodies is such a uniquely special thing and words are often the best way to keep the sizzle sizzling. The “why” of Body Love Language is twofold, though. Firstly, to develop a special vocabulary or signals that deepen your connection with your partner. Secondly, being comfortable and confident in your body, vagina included, to the point of being able to communicate what you know about your parts and your sensations is just plain sexy.
What exactly is Body Love Language? It’s those words and body cues that you use to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s the foreplay banter, the “in-the-moment” exchange, and the post-orgasm (hopefully) pillow talk. It goes beyond the real or feigned groan of pleasure. It’s not limited to porn star commentary. Body Love Language is reflective of who you are individually and as a couple. It can be directive, suggestive, or appreciative.
A couple of the biggest mistakes women make when communicating about their bodies and sex are either to provide negatively phrased feedback during sex (ie “ouch. that’s not good” kind of commentary) or to keep silent about what they could easily help to change. When we stay silent, resentment builds. Resentment kills romance.
Body Love Language is personally constructed. It can be fun and can evolve with your partner. They are the words and gestures you use to convey a position, an intensity, a touch that you desire. It’s also just yours. It’s how you talk about your vagina by that or another name.
Body Love Language bridges gaps between people in one of the most important life-changing human exchanges we share. Keep coming back to My Friend Violet to learn more about how to find your words and use them well.