Low libido? “Honey, I’m too tired” kind of dynamic? Have you considered bibliotherapy? Are you asking yourself, “WHAT THE HECK IS BIBLIOTHERAPY?”
The self-help section of any major book store is loaded with literature on how to improve your life in one way or another. In fact, in coaching my clients I often ask them how many self-help books or articles do they read because often my first bit of coaching feedback is that they likely know enough and it’s time to start using better what they have learned through bibliotherapy: the practice of using literature for intervention.
If reading is something they love to do, instead of frequenting the self-help aisle I encourage them to pick up a book loaded with stories that expand their imaginative thinking. Our imagination is so often neglected as we get past elementary school years. It’s such a shame because using our imagination allows us to not only “escape” from stress, but also gives our brain new pathways to problem-solve, enhance energy in many areas, and generate the power of possibility as we discover what interests or excites us about the character’s stories.
When it comes to libido, My Friend Violet knows that there are several reasons why it tanks. Physically, hormones can come into play. Physically, our vaginas may be less responsive or even uncomfortable due to microlesions from every day “wear and tear”. Mentally, we may have associations with sex that inhibit interest. Emotionally, our relationship may be disconnected and therefore sex drive is diminished. Emotionally, we may have Sexual Dysmorphia. Logistically, we may be simply exhausted from life’s demands. Regardless of the reason, frankly, every one of us benefits from having an active libido for mood, energy, and physical condition. Your libido is your energy source. You share it with your partner, but it’s yours to benefit from all on your own, too.
That said, bibliotherapy is something you can add into your life by yourself or with your partner. First, let’s really understand the difference between erotic and porn. I remember reading “Lady Chatterly’s Lover” by D.H. Lawrence written in the 1920’s and realizing how incredibly sexy it was and how it made me feel. No pictures. No silly dialogue acted by horrible actors leading to sex within minutes time. Just the narrative and my imagination doing the work.
The main difference between erotic and porn is that erotica is defined as any kind of art having a sexual aspect written to elicit sexual thought/imagination while porn is designed to excite sexual responsiveness.
The issue that often presents with porn, albeit many individuals and couples use it with success, is that there is a mental/emotional risk involved for many people. The risk is that body image, sexual image, and often a disconnect with the personalities/beliefs of the partners in that relationship can generate Sexual Dysmorphia and an unrelenting ideal of how to be in bed. We all know at some level that no one is actually enjoying themselves when they are filming porn professionally. It’s work. They use gimmicks and gadgets to create the appearance of sexual responsiveness. This doesn’t mean it’s ineffective or un-fun for couples or individuals, it’s just different and riskier than bibliotherapy.
Using erotica in written form to entice libido to flourish takes more time. Guess what? So do most women! We often need more “foreplay” than our partners understand. Erotica is great foreplay for our minds. If you recall, “50 Shades of Grey” was originally a book. When it turned into a film trilogy, many felt it lost its impact. Reading a book with your partner (either together or on your own but at the same time) is a great way to add some spice and encourage your imaginative minds to join forces under the covers.
My Friend Violet has shared an interesting erotica book list to help defrost the Winter and gear up for growth this Spring.