Feeling and acting with self-love is such a beautiful way to live. It’s freeing and empowering. It’s also really hard to become that self-loving woman for a range of reasons. Whether it’s self-love or self-care that we are trying to adopt, there is often this internal struggle with “deserving” it for so many women. You will find lots more to read and listen to here at My Friend Violet on the issue of deserving body confidence and sexual wellness.
Before we can be filled with self-love, however, we must have a strong sense of self-trust. “Confidence” comes from the latin word fidere which means “to trust”. We need to trust that our body is capable of being the vehicle we need it to be as it takes us through our life journey. In a single hour on one afternoon, dozens of women shared with Violet a commonly held sentiment about their own bodies: they felt “betrayed” by it. Their body let them down one way or another, repeatedly over time. They were drained of body confidence, especially when it came to sex.
Again, the root of body confidence is more about trusting it than loving it. Trusting that your body will “show up” for you with the strength, endurance, healing, and responsiveness that you need allows you to feel confidence in every room that you walk into: the gym, the boardroom, and the bedroom. Self-trust is more about how we feel than how we look.
When women go through different stages of life, experiences and hormones change the way our body responds to sex. You can find lots of valuable research and self-help pieces focused on how to regain trust in your body after sexual trauma and the impact of those emotionally damaging acts. What you don’t often see is what every woman could also benefit from: how to regain trust in your body’s ability to feel and respond to sexual stimulation when it’s gone through normal hormonal shifts. My Friend Violet is here to help you with trusting your body again.
Trusting your body starts with connecting with it better or differently. Violet writes about this kind of mind:body connection (check out archived articles here). Feeling connected to your physical self allows you to feel like the master of your own “domain”, the body you live in. Here are some very practical tips for building trust through a new or deeper connection with your physical self:
- Muscle:Mind Messaging. Our body parts communicate with each other all the time. If our muscles feel tight/stressed, they send the message back to the brain that we are preparing for fight or flight response. This response diminishes our ability to move freely and experience a full range of physical and emotional sensations. Spend two minutes every hour or fifteen minutes a couple of times per day stretching your neck, back, legs. Stretching releases toxins and loosens muscles so that the message they now send is “I’m relaxed and ready for pleasure”.
- Self-Exploration: don’t be afraid to touch yourself. Everywhere. Know how you feel and what feels good when your hands are on that part. Notice what feels relaxing, what feels stimulating, what feels comforting. Then notice how your body responds to those experiences. All on your own. Knowing what works for your body to feel good allows you to self-trust your responsiveness to stimulation (and how to help your partner stimulate you well!). Check out our articles on communicating about all of that with your partner.
- Lift weights (properly of course to avoid injury) or do strength-building workouts of any type. It’s amazing how the misconception still exists that if a woman lifts weights she will become “manly” in her muscle development. Friends, without using steroids that is impossible. You can lift weights effectively to strengthen muscle without ever looking less feminine. Muscle-building exercises, such as weight training, strength-focused yoga, resistance workouts, and many sports, allow you to create contour that is beautiful, too! When your endurance or strength grows, so does your self-trust that you can “do it” (whatever “it” is!).
My Friend Violet has products especially designed with self-trust in mind. DiVi!ne Dry Touch Body Powder, Vi!tal Cooling Mist, and Vi! Vaginal Comfort Gel are natural, safe, effective solutions to those issues that can challenge self-trust. We give you the strategies and tools you need to develop self-trust that becomes self-love!
“Trust me. I do.”- Your Friend, Violet