Oh that Inner Voice…the power it has to make or break our experiences is mind-boggling…literally. When those words we think to ourselves about our Selves are focused on our goodness, we can move through life with such grace and even a fearlessness of sorts. When those words are self-deprecating, though, the impact can be thwarting of our growth at a minimum and, in the worst sense, devastating to our successes both in career and in relationships. Why is it so difficult to allow our healthy Inner Voice to prevail over that devilish one? Well, it tends to go back to a fundamental human condition of self-protection: flight or fight. Our brain’s primary job is to protect us and paying attention to weaknesses forces a mindset of guardedness.
This level of self-protection isn’t always needed. Most often, we are truly capable of creating and preserving our physical and emotional safety. The idea of editing our Inner Voice to be self-compassionate is relatively new to us. One discovered upside of practicing a healthier Inner Voice is that we can actually reduce a stressed brain condition and become more self-caring with our choices.
My Friend Violet helps women to edit the narrative of their Inner Voice that is critical of who they are physically and sexually. The messages we receive about our “private parts” and sexuality when we are children and then as teens begin to develop that Inner Voice. Through various sexual encounters and social dynamics as teens and young adults, the Inner Voice becomes deeply entrenched in our minds as a guiding force for how we feel about our vagina and sex. By becoming more aware of the words that are frequenting our brain waves, recognizing that we are safe and secure in our body and choices to use it, we can effectively edit them. But…it takes conscious effort.
The driving force around negative self-talk that inhibits sexual fulfillment is shame. Shame fuels fear of embarrassment. Fear of embarrassment creates self-consciousness and insecurity. Those two mindset conditions reduce the freedom for sexual responsiveness no matter how great the physical stimulation.
To begin the editing process to write a new “script” for body confidence and easier sexual fulfillment, you must take the time to notice the immediate associations you have when you consider or are engaging in intimacy. Once you realize those words, you can then create the responses to them by answering the following questions:
- Is this realistic about my physical self?
- Is this grounded in my current truth regarding the emotional and physical safety of my relationship or sexual behavior choice?
- Where does this thought really come from (who or what gave me these ideas)?
Once you come to terms with these answers, you can add to those knee-jerk reactions with a statement or two that allows you to move forward into your reality and into a new mindset. Look at the following body confidence self-talk comments and adjust with your own words. The best influence comes from words that you can trust so make sure that they are ones you can believe in at some objective level.
“I am a ____________________ person and my body is mine to love and love others with as I choose to.”
“Learning about my body is an adventure I deserve.”
“My vagina is mine to care for and enjoy.”
Don’t expect to eliminate the critical Inner Voice. Rather, talk back to it to start to shift the mindset. Begin with rehearsal of these statements in response to your existing Inner Voice. Remember, shame is more often something imposed upon us. Even if we have made things we consider to be mistaken, they have been part of our journey of personal growth is all. Accept the past, redefine the present, pave a new path for the future of optimal experiences.
Your friend, Violet, is here for you. Check out our private support community, My Vi!